Series: Marriage
Title: The Believers Constraint to Choose a Spouse
Text: Deuteronomy 7: 1-11
Date: June 29, 2017
Place: SGBC, New Jersey
Subject: The Believer’s Constraint in Choosing a Spouse
In our text, God gives his covenant word to the nation Israel. It was a covenant of works. Without the Spirit of God subduing their flesh and strengthening faith in their hearts, they did what they did from a legal motive, working for God’s favor. They thought themselves smarter than God so they disobeyed this word. Everything to punish them and destroy them which God said would happen, God brought to pass upon them.
But every believer regenerated and called to faith in Christ—is under the everlasting covenant of grace. Our strength is Christ by the Spirit of Christ dwelling within us. We are constrained in the new heart by an all new motive: for the love of Christ contraineth us.
Every true regenerated believer is married to Christ our Husband in subjection to him in everything
Ephesians 5: 23…Christ is the head of the church: and he is the saviour of the body. 24: Therefore as the church is subject unto Christ [in everything]…so let the wives be to their own husbands in everything.
What Christ loves we love; what Christ hates we hate. His people are our people; his enemies are our enemies. In everything, the believer is constrained by the love of Christ for us!
Proposition: The believer’s constraint in choosing a spouse is God’s great love and grace toward us in Christ Jesus. As we take this passage verse by verse, believer, hear Christ our Husband speaking to you in grace and love.
DISTINGUISHING GRACE
Deuteronomy 7: 1: When the LORD thy God shall bring thee into the land whither thou goest to possess it, and hath cast out many nations before thee, the Hittites, and the Girgashites, and the Amorites, and the Canaanites, and the Perizzites, and the Hivites, and the Jebusites, seven nations greater and mightier than thou;
The LORD thy God has shown his elect distinguishing grace in Christ from all other people on the earth--[Christ] “hath cast out many nations before thee,…”
Isaih 43: 3: For I am the LORD thy God, the Holy One of Israel, thy Saviour:…4: Since thou wast precious in my sight, thou hast been honourable, and I have loved thee: therefore will I give men for thee, and people for thy life. 5: Fear not: for I am with thee: I will bring thy seed from the east, and gather thee from the west; 6: I will say to the north, Give up; and to the south, Keep not back: bring my sons from far, and my daughters from the ends of the earth; 7: Even every one that is called by my name: for I have created him for my glory, I have formed him; yea, I have made him.
Christ our Husband has shown us favor over much people “greater and mightier than thou.”
Matthew 11: 25: At that time Jesus answered and said, I thank thee, O Father, Lord of heaven and earth, because thou hast hid these things from the wise and prudent, and hast revealed them unto babes. 26: Even so, Father: for so it seemed good in thy sight. 27: All things are delivered unto me of my Father: and no man knoweth the Son, but the Father; neither knoweth any man the Father, save the Son, and he to whomsoever the Son will reveal him.
Christ our Husband has taken away all our sins!—look at these seven nations as our spiritual enemies in our own sinful flesh.
Proverbs 6: 16: These six things doth the LORD hate: yea, seven are an abomination unto him: [this is the only thing our natural, sinful, flesh is and produces] 17: A proud look, a lying tongue, and hands that shed innocent blood, 18: An heart that deviseth wicked imaginations, feet that be swift in running to mischief, 19: A false witness that speaketh lies, and he that soweth discord among brethren.
Already, we see what great distinguishing grace God has bestowed upon his elect in Christ Jesus our Husband.
TWO REASONABLE COMMANDS
Deuteronomy 7: 2: And when the LORD thy God shall deliver them before thee; thou shalt smite them, and utterly destroy them; thou shalt make no covenant with them, nor shew mercy unto them:…5: But thus shall ye deal with them; ye shall destroy their altars, and break down their images, and cut down their groves, and burn their graven images with fire.
Deuteronomy 7: 3: Neither shalt thou make marriages with them; thy daughter thou shalt not give unto his son, nor his daughter shalt thou take unto thy son. 4: For they will turn away thy son [or daughter] from following me, that they may serve other gods: so will the anger of the LORD be kindled against you, and destroy thee suddenly.
Seeing this great distinguishing grace and love of God in Christ, Christ our Husband gives his bride two reasonable commands.
One, Christ commands us to make no alliances with unbelievers in idolatrous religion—“And when the LORD thy God shall deliver them before thee; thou shalt smite them, and utterly destroy them; thou shalt make no covenant with them, nor shew mercy unto them:…But thus shall ye deal with them; ye shall destroy their altars, and break down their images, and cut down their groves, and burn their graven images with fire.”
We are not to smite and destroy will-workers with carnal weapons in a physical sense, but spiritually by declaring the gospel of Christ.
2 Corinthians 10: 3: For though we walk in the flesh, we do not war after the flesh: 4: (For the weapons of our warfare are not carnal, but mighty through God to the pulling down of strong holds;) 5: Casting down imaginations, and every high thing that exalteth itself against the knowledge of God, and bringing into captivity every thought to the obedience of Christ;
Seeing those seven nations as a type of our flesh, we also must crucify our sinful flesh with its lusts by constantly looking to Christ above!
Colossians 3: 2: Set your affection on things above, not on things on the earth. 3: For ye are dead, and your life is hid with Christ in God. 4: When Christ, who is our life, shall appear, then shall ye also appear with him in glory. 5: Mortify therefore your members which are upon the earth; fornication, uncleanness, inordinate affection, evil concupiscence, and covetousness, which is idolatry: 6: For which things’ sake the wrath of God cometh on the children of disobedience: 7: In the which ye also walked some time, when ye lived in them. 8: But now ye also put off all these; anger, wrath, malice, blasphemy, filthy communication out of your mouth. 9 Lie not one to another, seeing that ye have put off the old man with his deeds; 10 And have put on the new man, which is renewed in knowledge after the image of him that created him: 11 Where there is neither Greek nor Jew, circumcision nor uncircumcision, Barbarian, Scythian, bond nor free: but Christ is all, and in all. 12: Put on therefore, as the elect of God, holy and beloved, bowels of mercies, kindness, humbleness of mind, meekness, longsuffering; 13 Forbearing one another, and forgiving one another, if any man have a quarrel against any: even as Christ forgave you, so also do ye. 14: And above all these things put on charity, which is the bond of perfectness. 15: And let the peace of God rule in your hearts, to the which also ye are called in one body; and be ye thankful. 16: Let the word of Christ dwell in you richly in all wisdom; teaching and admonishing one another in psalms and hymns and spiritual songs, singing with grace in your hearts to the Lord. 17: And whatsoever ye do in word or deed, do all in the name of the Lord Jesus, giving thanks to God and the Father by him.
The second command is our focus. For the same reason, as Christ will have us not make any covenant with unbelievers, Christ our Husband also commands his bride not to marry unbelievers—“Neither shalt thou make marriages with them; thy daughter thou shalt not give unto his son, nor his daughter shalt thou take unto thy son.”
In 2 Corinthians, we see in the Gospel, Christ declares that believers are not to be unequally yoked with unbelievers in any sort of union—but here he speaks of the covenant of marriage.
Note who Christ speaks unto: this is the responsibility of you and I as believing parents, concerning our sons and daughters. Our children may be young adults so that we are not able to stop them. But we must give them God’s word and warn the believer that they are walking contrary to the word of Christ who bought them.
If our son or daughter is an unbeliever who is planning to marry a believer, we do the unbeliever a great harm when they are walking contrary to God’s word and we make them think we approve or that they are one with Christ’s people—a sure way to harden an unbeliever in unbelief is to give them a false confidence!
Here is the reason Christ our Husband says that his believing bride is not to marry an unbeliever—“For they will turn away thy son [or daughter] from following me, that they may serve other gods:” Christ our Husband is married to the believer. He paid the dowry for us with his own precious blood and Christ our Husband is a jealous Husband! The same reason he will have us crucify the sinful flesh, he will have us not marry an unbeliever—it will cause us to serve other gods rather than following him!
If we refuse to obey Christ—“so will the anger of the LORD be kindled against you, and destroy thee suddenly.” He did this to those under the covenant of works. But the LORD will not destroy one who Christ justified by his blood! Yet, he will do this:
Zechariah 8: 2: Thus saith the LORD of hosts; I was jealous for Zion with great jealousy, and I was jealous for her with great fury.
He is jealous for his church with great jealousy [zeal]—greater love hath no man than this, that a man lay down his life for his friends. And he is jealous for his church “with great fury” against those who would turn his bride from him. Yet, to the object of his love, for whom he is jealous, “Fury is not in me” (Isa. 27:4). So he will not destroy one who he justified though God our Father will chasten the believer! And it is so sad to see some of the things that end up happening—especially when children are involved!
Here are a few objections I have heard to God’s word declared so plainly in our text”
“But God might use the believer to teach the unbeliever the truth!” God says, “they will turn away thy son [or thy daughter] from following me, that they may serve other gods:”
“But they sit under the true gospel!” An unbeliever is an unbeliever whether they sit under the gospel or sit under freewill, works religion. Christ was crucified by men and women who were raised hearing the oracles of God! The natural heart is enmity against God! If a sinner is ashamed to confess Christ before men then he is an unbeliever and a believer is not to marry them.
“But God is sovereign, he can save them!” I know a few cases where God actually did save the unbeliever. But we are never to use God’s sovereignty as justification to rebel against the clear word of God! God says, “they will turn away thy son [or thy daughter] from following me, that they may serve other gods.”
“But I know an older believer who married an unbeliever.” And do you want to be that older believer who a younger believer one day uses to justify his or her rebellion against God?
“Preacher, that is legalism! We are free to do what we will!” That’s the cry when God’s word crosses our lusts!
If I am a believer in love with an unbeliever, what should I do? Do nothing to make the unbeliever make a false profession! Simply, wait on the Lord! And if they make a profession, wait on the Lord to make certain it is Christ’s they are in love with and not just you! Marriage is the biggest, life-long thing you will ever do in your life! You will take a vow before God and the church! What if they never believe on Christ? Oey Christ and move on!
When I was a single believer, I truly was content to remain single all my life, if God did not send me a believer! I pray God give single believers that same heart.
Do not misunderstand, a marriage between two believers does not mean that it will always be smooth. There are cases where true believers divorce. But there will certainly be no fellowship between light with darkness? Anyone who begins a marriage, not being in subjection to Christ, will not be the earthly spouse that Christ makes his people. But when two are in subjection to Christ our Husband then their love for each other will be a true love for each other and there is nothing like a God-blessed marriage!
THE BELIEVER’S CONSTRAINT
Deuteronomy 7: 6: For thou art an holy people unto the LORD thy God: the LORD thy God hath chosen thee to be a special people unto himself, above all people that are upon the face of the earth. 7: The LORD did not set his love upon you, nor choose you, because ye were more in number than any people; for ye were the fewest of all people: 8: But because the LORD loved you, and because he would keep the oath which he had sworn unto your fathers, hath the LORD brought you out with a mighty hand, and redeemed you out of the house of bondmen, from the hand of Pharaoh king of Egypt.
First, our constraint is that God has made us an holy people unto him—“For thou art an holy people unto the LORD thy God.” God’s elect have been made holy by being set apart by the Father, Son and Holy Spirit. We were made holy by the righteousness of Christ imputed in justification and by the righteousness of Christ imparted in sanctification, the new birth!
The second part of our constraint is that we are chosen by God—“[For] the LORD thy God hath chosen thee…”
‘Tis not that I did choose Thee,
For Lord that could not be,
This heart would still refuse Thee,
But Thou hast chosen me.
Thou, hast from the sin that stained me
Washed and cleansed and set me free
And unto this end ordained me,
That I ever live to Thee.
'Twas Thy grace in Christ that called me,
Taught my darkened heart and mind;
Else the world had yet enthralled me,
To Thy heavenly glories blind.
Now my heart owns none above Thee;
For Thy grace alone I thirst,
Knowing well that, if I love Thee,
Thou, O Lord, didst love me first.
The third aspect of our constraint is the LORD has chosen us to be a special people unto himself—“[For] the LORD thy God hath chosen thee to be a special people UNTO HIMSELF, above all people that are upon the face of the earth.” How could I chose someone who is ashamed of Christ, over Christ, when Christ has chosen me to be special unto him!
1 Peter 2: 9: But ye are a chosen generation, a royal priesthood, an holy nation, a peculiar people; that ye should shew forth the praises of him who hath called you out of darkness into his marvellous light:
Furthermore, Christ’s constrains me by his grace: free, covenant, sovereign, effectual grace—The LORD did not set his love upon you, nor choose you, because ye were more in number than any people; for ye were the fewest of all people: 8: But because the LORD loved you [free grace], and because he would [sovereign grace] keep the oath which he had sworn unto your fathers, [covenant grace] hath the LORD brought you out with a mighty hand, and redeemed you out of the house of bondmen, from the hand of Pharaoh king of Egypt. [effectual grace]
2 Timothy 1:9: Who hath saved us, and called us with an holy calling, not according to our works, but according to his own purpose and grace, which was given us in Christ Jesus before the world began.
For the true believer, this is all the motive we need to be in subjection to Christ our Husband. This is “The Believer’s Constraint in Choosing a Spouse”. So hear this final word in verses 9-11: “Know therefore that the LORD thy God, he is God, the faithful God, which keepeth covenant and mercy with them that love him and keep his commandments to a thousand generations. And repayeth them that hate him to their face, to destroy them: he will not be slack to him that hateth him, he will repay him to his face.” And because God is faithful to bring his bride into subjection to Christ our Husband and to repay all our enemies, “Thou shalt therefore keep the commandments, and the statutes, and the judgments, which I command thee this day, to do them.”
May God make the unbelieving believe on Christ and make the believing be in subjection to Christ!
Amen!